Today I want to share a post from my journal. I wrote it on August 11, 2025. The title of this post is the heading in my journal.
We got home last night from Durant(my wife’s mother’s home in Mississippi) early Saturday evening. We stopped by the Mexican food place and picked up supper. When we got to the house I unloaded the car before eating. After eating I closed the trunk. I was pulled close to the back door so I have to back up in the drive way to pull straight in the carport. That is when it happened. I looked to my right and there it was, THE DARK WINDOW. Nothing unusual about the light being off except it was Jay’s bedroom. I broke down. I sat there for a minute or two just staring at the window. Over the last couple of days my time and thoughts were on why that struck me so hard that night and it came to me. That dark window was a representation of the loss of Jay. The light would no longer shine in that room as it once did. . Oh, we can flip the switch and the light will illuminate the room but it is not the same. Jay’s spirit is not here but is in heaven. The soul of that room is gone. We have left things pretty much the same since the funeral but it just isn’t the same. We ache almost every day. No matter how much life we try to put into that room it will NEVER EVER be the same! Our hearts will never heal completely until we are with him again.
We are much better now than we were then. Learning how to cope from GriefShare meetings has really helped. We are quickly approaching September, the month of his death. We will be ok. The waves will come but they will also subside for a time.
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